The white envelopes will be very different from the red envelope. Instead of a packet of permissions that my husband would know about in advance - instead of it being in his secret place - this would be in our safe deposit box …

… to be opened only after I’m gone.In fact, there will be many white envelopes - whole sets of them - each of them sealed, with my signature across the seal. Each will be labeled for a specific day - our twentieth anniversary - his fiftieth birthday - and a few will just be marked “for when you want to remember me.”

I have some secrets that I’ve kept from him - nothing hurtful - no affairs he doesn’t already know about - just little things that I’ve been saving. Some of my secrets are stories from my youth - naughty little things that he would love to know about me - like the name of the boy who gave me my first kiss.

He asked me to save some secrets for him and share them throughout our lives together - but if something happens to me, I want him to still have those secrets.

Some of the envelopes will contain pictures - maybe naked pictures - maybe just pictures of me or us being happy.

This has to be the saddest thing I have ever done, but I need to do it.