One of the things I need in a sexual fantasy is the sense of reality in the motivation. The setting can be unreal, the physical activity can be impossible but I need to believe in the “why” of the fantasy.

In fact, I need to resolve why each of the characters is doing what they are doing and to make sure I have “permission” for my actions before I can really get started with the fantasy. Sometimes, I spend a couple of hours laying in bed touching myself - while I ponder all of that - as a kind of foreplay.

This need for believable motivation and permission means that I have trouble fantasizing about something unless I can rationalize why it’s OK for me to do it. No matter how much it turns me on, if it feels wrong, I can’t get off on it.

Right now, the biggest mental block I have is “topping” a woman. I am incredibly turned on by the idea of spanking a woman against her will, but I somehow have to figure out some moral justification for it. She somehow has to either be willing or has to deserve what she is getting or has to have made a Devil’s bargain which I am now ready to enforce.

Topping a man is easy. All I have to do is tell him, “bend over and take it or I won’t let you fuck me.” That will get a guy to reluctantly do just about anything he doesn’t want to do. But I can’t get my mind around a woman wanting me so badly that she would take whatever punishment I would dole out in order to have me.

And, unlike with men, I have a sense of camaraderie with women. I can put a man over the edge of a bed and make him suffer just for the fun of it. With a woman, I can’t do it unless I have permission - from her or from “the rules”.

So, I’ve been working on a lot of different scenarios that will somehow get a woman over my lap despite her not wanting to be there and taking a very painful punishment from me. She has to beg me to stop and somehow I need permission to keep going. That’s what’s got me horny at the moment.

That is the story I need to write.

I’m still working on it, but I think I may have a storyline that will work.

Stay tuned.